By Brittany Ehrick
This is not your typical messiness like your house is dirty. This is the type of messiness that we avoid and generally try to turn into perfection. This is a messiness you can’t turn into perfection. This is the messiness of our life. I would like you to think of it as we were not put on this earth to achieve perfectionism, nor do I know anyone that is perfect. If we aren’t perfect, than we are imperfect which makes our lives messy. I want you to find the messiness in your life and hold on to it as memories – good, bad, happiness. Start to see your life as a beautiful masterpiece of mess. See how much easier it is to go through life accepting that it’s just messy – yet wonderfully peaceful. We are human and naturally meant to make mistakes.
You think you know what someone is thinking and/or feeling about you and without having any proof, you turn into a story and allow it to play in your head over and over. And as you know you know when you assume, you make an ass u me
If you assume, you really create a problem between you and the other person, as that assumption is a hole. You are not giving them the opportunity to tell you their truth.
Looking at what you don’t have or could have relative to others creates negativity It takes you out of focus on yourself. Tricks you into thinking what others have is more important than what you have. You should only compare YOU to YOU.(Self doubt chapter)
Button pushing Is that moment when you allow something or someone to push a personal button. These buttons could have a value behind it or just be a red hot button. If they do or say something (as well as you doing or saying something) that isn’t aligned with your values, it pokes you like a bear. You light up like an elevator and every button is pushed and uncontrollably sends you over that edge. It makes you so angry and frustrated. Generally you can’t believe that they pushed your button and that they didn’t know better and how dare they walk on your values. This is a conditioning pattern that you have the choice to change. Please Note: Buttons can be positive or negative button – either way your response should be your choice.
Example: Write your own buttons down starting with Driving being your primary example (if that is the case) and use this list to pick apart the ones you want to bring awareness to and let go of.
The first step is to identify and write down what all your buttons are, what irks you, what gets on your nerves? What is it that causes your button to be pushed? The second step is asking yourself if it’s worth it, do you really need to be taking this personally and do I want to respond to the situation and have an emotional reaction. Third, is to always step back, look at the big picture before you react – see their side of the story and understand that your buttons are made from your unique experiences. Most likely no one will understand them but you, even if they’ve gone through the exact same experience. The fourth step is to not wear your buttons on your sleeve and try to save your reactions for someone who you can trust and practice those reactions with, who will respect your frustrations and values and ‘won’t react back. If you do choose to play out your reactions, learn from them. When you’re ready to get back in the world and play with the way your buttons get pushed, you now have a choice to act out or set aside your reactions when those buttons arise.
Recognize you have control over your buttons and no one can make you react without you.
What does a red flag look like and how do you know it’s a red flag? Something internally is telling you it’s just not quite right. It could be a feeling of anxiety, overwhelmness, uncomfortableness in your gut, or just something off-beat. These pop up all over and sometimes we identify them as broken and needs to be fixed which can be the case, but more often it really just needs to be looked at more in depth because it is a warning. A red flag should be given awareness and you should determine what is really going on. Don’t just take the first label you give it, explore it and really make sure you have the true meaning of that red flag.
Here is one clients example: She felt a red flag, unconsciously ignored it, and went into a relationship she knew in her gut was not for her. Due to persistence she kept trying and it drowned her with emotional pain, which lead her astray from her values and convictions. Had she stuck with her instincts from the start, she would have not gone into it and saved herself a lot of emotional turmoil.
WARNING: A Red Flag means what it looks like.
Just going through the motions, sleeping through life, being numb. A great example of being on auto-pilot is when you are driving somewhere and you don’t even know how you got there. The problem with being on auto-pilot is you miss out on everything since you are just going through the motions, allowing life to just pass you by making little to no decisions, or deep connections. You are also unconsciously putting up block walls which then causes other people to miss out on getting to know you personally. To get yourself off of auto-pilot you need to first be aware that you are on auto-pilot. Secondly, you have to have the desire to jump into life and start living again fully aware of your capabilities, surroundings, and how amazing it is to be present! Once you have decided to be present, the numbness will no longer be a shield from reality. The hard work starts by facing each painful experience you have been sweeping under the rug. The truth is that numbness protects you from the reality of what you’re going through, have gone through, or even will go through. It’s there to teach you and make you aware that something is not right. Therefore, it’s important you take the time to give it the healing and attention it deserves and needs. Go through your baggage, clean it out, talk it out, Let it out and learn from it.. When you are ready, the best thing you can do for emotional pain is to let it go! Like they sing in the Disney movie Frozen.
“Let it go, Let it go I can’t hold it back anymore”
An anchor is an amazing tool you can attach yourself to for emotional support. It can be a positive memory, a loved one or best friend that has been a good influence, favorite place or safe place, etc. You can use this anchor to keep you on your goals or keep you from going over the edge when hurting. You can also use an anchor when you are releasing emotional baggage.
A means of getting somewhere emotionally, sometimes crossing over a hurdle to get there. I would encourage you to find out if you have a bridge, what it is, and even though it may be uncomfortable because you’re in the unknown, you need to cross over it.
Look for your inner bridge that’s calling you!
Fork in the road
This gives you more than one option, and you cannot stay where you are. I want you to be aware of forks in the road and how you can feel stuck, but you do have the choice of your path.
Make the choice don’t stay stuck!
Allowing yourself to think how things should be and creating false expectations. We fantasize about things we cannot have and takes us out of the real world. If you do fantasize like this and make false expectations, I would like you to see how it has affected your life. Fantasizing can be harmful to you as well as others.
Protect yourself and dream instead!
Dreaming is with hope
You can see all levels of a picture of what you could and should have. Embracing the beauty of what you really want and allowing yourself to see you can have anything and everything – you are limitless!
Protection, Walls & Boundaries
This type of emotional protection can be productive or unproductive. It’s a type of thinking or behavior that we use to keep us safe, where we put up shields to avoid any hurt. I’m referring to how we protect ourselves from living life to it’s fullest. How we helicopter over our own life and our families. We can also create walls and boundaries unconsciously and consciously with this thought process. Boundaries and walls are important however, are they holding you back keeping you from new opportunities, or are they protecting you from a real threat? I encourage you to take down any protection behaviors that are not allowing you to grow, and keep those that are truly keeping you safe from unwanted experiences.
Back up plans are something to catch you if you fall. These can be helpful in some circumstances in life, however they generally give you false security leading you to feel comfortable, therefore not allowing yourself to grow and keeping you from jumping into faith and owning up to your purpose/goals.
If you rely on a Safety Net, you can’t give 100%
Feeding off of drama/Overreacting
We all at times feed off of drama and overreact. We know this feeling as we have all been there. Take a minute to think of those dramatic/chaotic times in your life and remember how much energy it took from you. Was it worth it, and what outcome did you get from it?
It can be taking someone else’s dramatic energy and turning it into your own and feeding off of it. You are now allowing it to create drama in your life. It prevents you from looking at your own. It is a huge distraction from your present life and goals. Are you aware you are looking for a distraction? Do you even recognize that others’ problems are keeping you from looking at your own.
Do you feed off of your own drama and overreact – creating unnecessary chaos to keep you busy? There are those who truly want to help others and get caught up in the drama temporarily, but can detach once they recognize what’s actually going on.
I find that most people that are “into” drama, whether it is theirs or others’ have underlying emotional pain of their own they do not want to face.